Reclaiming
that jaunty step
by Mary Heimlich
I was walking along the street in my neighbourhood on the way to my doctor who
had the result of x-rays I’d taken due to an acute illness. It was a beautiful
day in late spring, but my heart was heavy, and I felt as if I were attending
my own funeral.
Suddenly, I was overcome by feelings of frustration and shame at my own vulnerability.
I realized I was scared stiff!
Why was it that in almost 90 years of living, and after witnessing the demise
of all my siblings and nearly all my friends, I hadn’t learned that life
is only temporary? And that it could end at any time, particularly now that
I’m embarking on my tenth decade?
Why then the great sadness?
Of course I’d like to be around for a while longer. I love my family.
I love music and art very much. So I decided to ease the situation and buy a
little time by first looking in on my doctor’s secretary. I told her my
family was out of town, and if the news was life-threatening, I’d like
to wait till they came home before finding out. The words were hardly out of
my mouth when she assured me the problem was treatable. And at that moment I
experienced the relief that is impossible to describe. It held visions of all
the nice things that I’m still hoping to do.
That very moment my doctor appeared. He led me to his office where he told me
the whole story. Immediately all the mystery and anxiety were gone.
I walked with a jaunty step to the drugstore, prescription in hand, barely noticing
the sidewalk beneath my feet that suddenly felt young again.
By the way, what was that original problem in this story? Oh, yes. It asked
how to maintain a vestige of equanimity in the face of inevitable adversity.
Well, I’m afraid that question must still remain on hold for now!
Mary Heimlich turned 90 August 9, 2003.
