Flavour Guy Barry Lazar reflects on his life and the Times

A cozy kitchen, photographed by Mathilda Tan (courtesy of stock.xchng)A cozy kitchen, photographed by Mathilda Tan (courtesy of stock.xchng)

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So this is what I imagine I would do,
as a journalist, conducting an interview.
My pen in hand, my hat askew,
and the interviewee asks, who are you?
Lacking designs, I say

“I’m with the Times.”

With a quiet demeanour, I might mutter Senior
But Times should suffice.
It’s short. It’s nice.
I don’t get out much.

That’s the truth.

As the Flavour Guy, I’m not quite couth.
My persona non grata, does non matta.
I sit at my desk and compose my column.
The deadline approaches. I start to stall and
hesitate, procrastinate, deviate and obfuscate.
I’ve mastered the ability not to write.

Maybe I’ll try later tonight.

Then it’s up to the kitchen
(I write in debasement).
Looking for an inspiring replacement
for the blank page that is now overdue.
What looks good? Rabbit stew?

Cheese that’s blue? Make some roux?

I wait for inspiration to take hold.
After years of writing,
I’ve given up inviting
the muse whose views I find abstruse.
I look in the cupboard for a bottle of booze

It worked for Hemingway, but would give me the blues.

As the Flavour Guy, I’m more likely to find
bottles of hot sauce that could make you blind,
packets of Indonesian soup mix,
things that my wife would rather I ditch,
and something greenish in the back of the fridge.

So it’s back to the keyboard for my monthly task;
and what I’ve learned, you might ask,
is that if I sit and stare at the computer screen
eventually I’ll figure out what I mean.

But just once, I’d like to return to my reporting roots
wear that hat, maybe a suit

and when asked who I’m working for that day
“I’m a man of the Times” is what I’d say.

I made beer-can chicken the other day.

Take a can of beer, drink some of it and stick the can into a 3 – 4 lb. chicken.

Put this on an aluminum pie plate.

If you find this unsteady, there is a contraption you can buy for about $15 at many hardware stores to make sure the chicken doesn’t fall over.

Put this on a BBQ, over hot but indirect heat, and close the cover.

The beer keeps the meat moist; it is done in about an hour.

A good friend suggested I try beer-can pizza: open a cold can of beer, get a pizza.

That works too.

Editor’s Note:

Dear Barry you’re the Flavour Guy
How deliciously you write!
Of brisket, beer and barbecues
Your recipes are bright

Dear Barry you’re the Flavour Guy
You’re loved by all our readers
Thanks for years of foodly yarns
From all of us good eaters!

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