The Senior Times Online

Grandmas at odds over babysitting

Bounce it off Bubbie-Ellie

by Ellie Matlin

A grandmother's advice given with love and experience

Dear Bubbie-Ellie,

I am a single mother with two children ages 12 and 14 and am having difficulties with my mother. She feels I leave them alone too often, I run around too much and don't give enough to my children. She's very old fashioned and feels I should stay home all the time. How do I handle this situation without a fight and show her that I do love my children and don't neglect them? — From a Loving Mother

Dear Loving Mother,

The best way to know if your children are feeling neglected is simply to talk to them. They are old enought to tell you how they are feeling. Remember that it not always the quantity of time but rather the quality of time that you spend with your kids that matters.

If you feel in your heart that you are not neglecting your children and that they are well taken care of, then handling your mother could be dealt with in many ways. Firstly, explain to her that you need a life separate from the children. They are old enough to spend some time on their own and probably enjoy the break. Explain to her that at their ages they would rather be with their friends. In today's day and age, women aren't tied down to the home and children like years ago. Don't let you her make you feel guilty.

Dear Bubbie Ellie,

I have recently read your response letter to Guilty Grandma (May, 2002). I must say I don't agree with your response. A grandmother should be around to help out their daughter or son when it comes to her grandchildren. Babysitting them should be a grandmother's priority, especially if she is no longer working. Babysitting should be on a need basis, not at the convenience of the grandma. What if your daughter or son needed someone to watch the children because of a job interview, would you say no if you did not feel like it? —Disgusted in the Maritimes